Top tips on what NOT to do. . .

There are a multitude of top tips for parents out there. For tonight’s blog entry I have decided to go at it from a different angle, and post my top tips on what NOT to do. (Not sure what it says about my parenting skills, but I found these far easier to come up with!)  So without further ado dear reader, l hereby share with you my words-to-the-wise:

NB – ALL the following  tips were painstakingly  gleaned from actual experience.

  1. Do not use Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as your song of choice when driving in the car. The temptation to do the accompanying hand actions can be overwhelming, and other drivers  can become irate as they think you’re telling them to put their lights on.
  2. Give sun cream a chance to dry before allowing  a child into sand pits.
  3. DO NOT TRUST PEPPER PIG! She may tell you what fun it is to splash in muddy puddles, but last weekend our day out in the park in the gorgeous weather turned into a farce after the wee one discovered the ONLY muddy puddle in a 3 mile radius. THREE outfit changes proved to be not enough. We ended up stripping her off to her nappy, and the splashing still prevailed.

AND, as those of you who read my post ” ABH by a one year old”  will know, Pepper fri*gin Pig is directly responsible for a rather severe nosebleed!

4.  Try not to encourage your little one to wear his/her Dad’s underwear on his/her head. It may be hilarious in the privacy on your own  family unit, but if encouraged, it WILL happen when you have guests. You WILL be mortified, and it WON’T be the nice underwear you bought him for Christmas from Next, it’ll big the baggy, off-white, unwashed, 8-year-old supermarket grundies. Fact.

5.  Do not mistake the cayenne pepper for cinnamon. The toddler may not mind the taste, but the resulting nappy is quite offensive.

6. Always give clear examples of your instructions when leaving someone else to administer food to your son or daughter. Example – I left my husband feeding tea to Grace with instructions that if she becomes difficult, try a bit of distraction. (By “distraction”, I meant  a little sing song. Or a “Look over there, Grace” while he gets a  sneaky spoonful in.)

I did NOT mean –  terrify her by playing ” pterodactyl attack” with a kite!!!

To be continued . . .

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Top tips on what NOT to do. . .

  1. Actually laughed out loud at the Twinkle Twinkle bit. That is the song that plays on The Boy’s cot-mobile. Everytime he hears it now he thinks that it’s time for bed. Pavlov’s Dog.

  2. Ha ha! That’s Graces bedtime song too (although it can backfire and make her get up and dance!) x

  3. Can I add another? Do not leave your 12 month old unattended in just her nappy. It will result in said nappy being removed as soon as you’ve turned your back and a poo being done on the carpet. x

  4. i know all about things backfiring, for some reason my lot love adding in the words ‘pump’ or ‘poo’ or ‘wee’ into any song, then fall about on the floor in hysterics at their own jokes….mind you, ‘poo’ is pretty funny *snigger*

    tamsyn xx

  5. I love the pteradactyl (sp???!) attack. Brilliant.
    XxX

  6. Amy Golding

    Haha, Minty you’re a star. Laughed out loud for a little while there. That brownie experience has made you who you are today hahahahahaha!!! Grace is SO cute by the way!!! x

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