A bit of an emotional one tonight. When Grace, my beautiful baby girl, was 10 weeks old, my Mum died. She’d put up such a brave fight. When the doctors decided she had a matter of hours left, she went on to last nine days. It was the hardest nine days of my life. A few days before this, when Mum had just enough strength to know what was going on – to know that her brand new granddaughter was with her – to know that she was surrounded by family who love her, we had Grace christened in her hospice room. I look back at the christening photos that the nurse took,and Mum is truly beaming with pride. She is illuminated. I wasn’t sure about having any of my kids christened but it brought her such absolute joy I will never regret it. I was with Mum constantly for those nine days, a camp bed set up on the floor, my husband and baby coming daily to visit. God bless children. Her little smiles and finger grasps kept us all going. She was my shining little light in a dark time. Mum passed away at two in the morning on January 24th last year whilst I held her hand and told her I loved her.
Then I went into overdrive. I sorted out her stuff, I rang funeral homes, I told people the news, I went hell for leather and never stopped to take a breath, let alone cry.
Then, one day, I was driving to the Reverend’s house to talk about the funeral. She’d been a good friend to my Mum, she’d performed Grace’s Christening, and I was meeting my brother there to discuss the eulogy. My husband had downloaded a few CD’s for me to listen to as it was a long drive, one of which was Mumford and Sons album Sign No More. Now I like them – I’m not a massive fan, and I’ve never seen them live, I just thought I’d check out the album. A track came on called Timshel. It totally disabled me. It was like it had been written especially for me, just for that exact time in my life. I had to pull over and the tears came. I wept my absolute heart out, for the loss of Mum, for my little girl never knowing her Nanny, for the awful strain of the past few weeks, and for myself.
How incredible that one song can have that effect on a human being.
When Grace old enough to understand – maybe even an adult, I’ll play her this song and tell her how important it is to me, and how important she was to her Nanny x
“Music has the power to move a person between different realities: from a broken body into a soaring spirit, from a broken heart into the connection of shared love, from death into the memory and movement of life. Music has the power to touch the heart of a child with God.”
Dr. Deforia Lane
Cold is the water It freezes your already cold mind Already cold, cold mind And death is at your doorstep And it will steal your innocence But it will not steal your substance But you are not alone in this And you are not alone in this As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand Hold your hand And you are the mother The mother of your baby child The one to whom you gave life And you have your choices And these are what make man great His ladder to the stars But you are not alone in this And you are not alone in this As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand Hold your hand But I will tell the night And Whisper, "Lose your sight" But I can move the mountains for you