I Remember . . .

I remember being held in your arms on the landing , looking out the window at the moon whilst you sang me a lullaby. I sing that same lullaby to Grace now.

I remember that you always had a ‘Mr Men’ sticking plaster. Those plasters cured many a grazed knee and dried many a tearful eye.

I remember stubbornly climbing a tree in a strop and the patient hours you spent trying to talk me down.

I remember when you used to get me to play the piano in front of your friends. I’d always put up a fuss but secretly enjoyed it (but you knew that, didn’t you.)

I remember sitting on the edge of your bed and watching you get ready for a night out and thinking how glamorous my Mummy is.

I remember your temper! When Dad wouldn’t put his newspaper down when you were arguing, so you set fire to it!

I remember when I was a teenager, my male friends ringing the house phone to talk to you because they all thought your voice was sexy.

I remember your visits to me in Bolton and how much my university friends liked you.

I remember you making me swap my dog poo bag from a Netto’s to a Marks and Spencer’s one (in case the neighbours saw!)

I remember when you put a long red velvet curtain on like a cape in a dry cleaners in order to get the “Two for One” deal on garments only.

I remember you teaching me to put make-up on properly.

I remember my brother and I finding a black and white picture of you when you were about 20 (below) and both being gobsmacked at how beautiful you looked. It’s so easy to forget your Mum was sassy and young once.

I remember you asking for a fork in MacDonald’s and being MORTIFIED!

I remember the smell of your perfume.

I remember you teaching me to knit! I still use the purple bag we made. And to read the Tarot cards. But neither of us saw this coming.

I remember you dancing to the Kaiser Chiefs at my wedding.

I remember all those times I pushed your hugs away when I was upset “Don’t make a fuss Mum!” I’d give anything for one of those hugs now.

I remember your absolute bafflement in watching Reeves and Mortimer with me once.

I remember when I was 17 and couldn’t choose between two boys I was seeing. You advise was “Darling you don’t just have one hat for every occasion.”

I remember the night I had Grace. Afterwards feeling so sorry for myself as you lived so  far away and were too ill to visit. Then a few hours later waking in my hospital bed to the sound of your voice behind the curtain “Are you with the Doctor Elizabeth?” I thought for a minute I was dreaming, “Mum?” Many tears followed and you were Graces first ever visitor. I should have known nothing would stop you!

I remember your dignity and your sense of humour in facing your illness, and your bravery in facing death.

I remember exactly this time a year ago saying my final goodbye, and thanking you for being my Mum.

Grace has one hell of a Guardian Angel.

Miss you xxx

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35 Comments

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35 responses to “I Remember . . .

  1. Just to let you know I’ll be back to the silly stuff next! Just needed to write this x

  2. Feel all emotional after reading this and want to go see my Mum….beautiful post xx

  3. Not a dry eye in the house. Off to tweet this now. Beautiful, beautiful post. Hope you’re ok x

  4. Your mum sounds ace and the photo is amazing. You must really miss her x

  5. That’s so touching. I am fighting the tears right now xxx

  6. Oh Crikey- this post is beautiful. This really has struck a cord – makes me want to be a better Mum. Thank you for sharing. Bx

  7. You can never replace a hug from Mum can you? I’d give anything for a hug from mine.
    This post is beautiful & I’m sure you Mum will be proud.
    X

  8. Just stunning, having an ill mum myself at the mo this seems all the more poignant

  9. As I was reading this post, I was thinking please don’t let this end the way I think it does. I am so sorry for your loss; what an absolutely beautiful relationship you had with your mum, and I am so pleased that she was Grace’s first visitor. A huge hug to you, and know that she lives on through your relationship with your daughter.

  10. *wipes tears off keyboard*

    What a beautiful post, Grace (& you) certainly do have a wonderful guardian angel.

    *hugs*

    xxx

  11. I thought this post might make people feel a bit awkward and not reply. I wrote it for me really. I’m quite taken aback to be honest with your lovely caring comments. Thank you all xxx

  12. I found it really comforting, you know I am going through now what you went though a year ago. So glad you decided to write about your mum, I know you weren’t sure but this is a beautiful tribute. She sounds amazing and looks stunning. Keep celebrating her xx

  13. dashofherb

    Lovely post and thinking of you today xxxx

  14. I’ve only just seen this hun – a truly amazing post that had the tears streaming but the fun and laughter you and your Mum so obviously shared. Simply lovely xx

  15. Wow! That’s just beautiful.

  16. It’s nice that that comes across. Thank you 🙂 x

  17. Colleen

    So moving, beautiful beautiful blogging! x

  18. Simply beautiful and rings very true for me. Thank you. x

  19. This post is beautiful, stunning and heartfelt. I obviously didn’t know your mum but she sounds like she was a wonderful woman and I think you are so lucky to have these memories.

    PS – please don’t write posts like this when I am feeling hormonal, I am running out of tissues!! 🙂

  20. Beautiful post, which gives such a sense of your mum as a real mum. I know the pain of losing a mother, and the effect it has on you when you become a mother in turn. The first anniversary is awful, so hope it passed quickly for you x

  21. WOW – impossible to read this without shedding a tear or two (I cried like a baby!)

    Your Mum was such a fantastic person – she kept in touch with us when we moved to Spain and was planning to visit us. She was such a lovely friend to my Mum and we will always think of her.

    Big hugs sent to you xx

  22. what a nice post its a lovely picture as well

  23. It made me cry in January & it’s made me cry again now.
    Losing your Mum is so painful.
    X

  24. Beautiful post. Thank you. My mother died 2 years ago & I need to write an I remember post, even if it’s just for me.

  25. TheBoyandMe

    Stunningly beautiful post which really shows your mum’s personality. Big hug.

  26. Pingback: A Collaboration, and a Big-Up to our Mums! | waterbirthplease

  27. Pingback: To BRCA1 or not to BRCA1 | waterbirthplease

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