The new kitchen has arrived! Those that read my pervious post “I want my new kitchen!” will know what a relief this is. BUT – it is not the subject of this particular blog entry. The inspiration for this one came whilst reading the instructions for the new microwave and I happened upon the following warning: “Do not use to dry pets” Honest to God. When I’d finished laughing and reassuring the greyhound he had nothing to worry about – it got me thinking. Just how stupid do manufacturers think we are? It played on my mind all day so whilst relaxing in the bath that evening, instead of the usual book time I get to myself; I found reading the labels on the bathroom products just as entertaining. “Do not use to dye eyelashes or pubic hair” on a hair dye bottle, and “This product is intended for use in the bath and not for consumption” on a bottle of Crème Bath.
So who are these idiots that sit in their baths “Gee Maw, this here cream-du-bay-ath sure tastes maghty farn!” (Wibble wibble with fingers on lips whilst slurping product.)
They’re everywhere. The government is already telling us what to eat, how often to exercise, what to spend, what to save, blah blah blah – do they really need to tell us not to microwave our pets? Or not to feed my dog shampoo to fish? Or that herbal sleeping tablets “May cause drowsiness?” Personally I feel that if you’re stupid enough to do any of these things than you deserve everything you get. With bells on. I for one find it a bit insulting. . . “Ooh, look! A can of deodorant! I think I’ll spray it directly into my eyes whilst drying my hair in the bath, chewing on a razor, and give Grave an electric drill to play with.” It’s like a modern-day, consumer-based chicken and egg conundrum: Are these product makers incredibly patronising, or are people actually that stupid? After a fun few minutes googling, I also found the following:
“Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.” — In the information booklet.
“For external use only” — On a curling iron.
“Do not use while unconscious.” — On a hand-held massaging device
“May irritate eyes.” — On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
“Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death.” — A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
“Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.” — On a portable stroller.
“May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.
And my personal favourite, just for its oddness . . .
“Warning: Do not use on eyes.” — In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
I ask you!