How Not to Give a Good-Night Kiss!

Good God, can NOTHING just happen like it’s supposed to in this house? It seems that even the simple act of a Good Night kiss has the uncanny knack of going tits-up. Grace had been tucked up in her cot-bed for about half an hour, when bang on cue (i.e the second I sit down with some tea to watch the soaps) over the monitor, the gibbling begins. Normally, she either chats away to imaginary people or sings herself a little song and can be left alone to settle herself to sleep. Not tonight:

“Mummy? Muuuuuuummy. Mum- MEEEE!……..”

***sigh, weary look at husband, try to shovel some food down and hope she’ll stop soon.***


“Right, coming.”

Grace is lying down pressed up to one side of the railings of her cot. She points to her cheek. “Kiss please Mummy.”

Aaaawwwwwwww. HOW CUTE?!

Of course she can have another Good Night kiss and I lean over to plant one tenderly on her soft little cheek. However, Grace is quite insistent that the kiss is only acceptable if placed on the right-hand cheek. This side of her face is a bit harder to reach as it’s the one pressed up to the railings which we have quite high still. I try to go for the left one, but she’s having none of it. probably far too soft of me, but not wanting to ruin a moment, I hoist myself over the railings  a little further, lips pursed, in a (slightly red-wine-fuelled) attempt to reach the desired cheek.

It was a combination of weary resignation and mild annoyance that washed over me as I felt my centre of balance shift and my feet leave the floor. There was nothing I could do to stop the slow motion head-stand into my daughters cot except try to twist myself about in a  bizarre and painful way in an attempt not to squash her. Ridiculous as it was, I was completely stuck upside down next to a gobsmacked Grace who opened her mouth wide in astonishment.

“Oh no Mummy. Oh no. Oh, what a mess!”

“Yes I know baby, try to go back to sleep. Sshhhhhh.”

I could see no way out of it without hurting her. Oh bollocks. Luckily the monitor’s still on.

“stuuuuuu” I whisper to get my other halves attention. “stu?” So much for whispering.  “STU!”

“STU!” Grace decides to join in. “STU STU STU STU!”

Enter Stu, who manages to stop laughing long enough to remove Grace whilst I de-tangle myself. Needless to say it was hard work settling her again. Tea went cold, and I have NO idea what happened in Corrie.

Hey ho . . . till next time . . .


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18 responses to “How Not to Give a Good-Night Kiss!

  1. Absolutely shaking with laughter with tears pouring down my face. Only in your house! I need to tweet this!

  2. Bloody ridiculous isn’t it?? 🙂

  3. Sara

    Thank you, that made me laugh so much! 2yo is looking at me like I’ve gone mad because I’m laughing at my phone! 😀

  4. Totally hilarious! I remember doing something similar, minus the fall, when Ella was a baby! Being short puts one at a disadvantage. I kept waiting for the whole thing to break! 😉

    Karin xx

  5. Just brilliant! (I fell into the chest freezer one and had to be lifted out – I had frozen peas in my hair and the imprint of a Mccains bag on my cheek!).

  6. AnnaBlack

    Only you Minty!! Lol

  7. That is the funniest thing i’ve read in ages. Pity you don’t have a video monitor as well as a sound one in the baby’s room, and then you could have caught the whole thing.

  8. That is so funny, I’m sat here laughing! I love Grace’s reaction!

  9. You are brilliant, can’t stop chuckling, LOVE your site xx

  10. Yes that is hilarious! I too have tears in my eyes imaging the scenario, did you have another glass of wine after that episode?! Glad I’m not the only one who wonders why nothing is normal in our house (do love a bit of quirkiness though, never a dull moment!).

  11. Pingback: Top 5 Funniest Blog Posts | waterbirthplease

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