Happy Mother’s Day

Dear Mum,

I’ve realised today that I’ve been ignoring Mother’s day. Turning a blind eye to it: pretending it isn’t there. You see, although I am a Mum, I miss having one. I miss choosing you a card and a present. I miss saying “Happy Mother’s Day!” over the phone. In fact I really miss saying plain old “Hiya Mum” over the phone. 

 I saw the perfect card for you the other day in Marks and Spencer’s and it made me feel angry that I had no need to buy it, so I pressed on with the shopping and pretended I hadn’t seen it. It was on Mothers day a few years ago that I drove over from Bolton for a surprise visit – remember? I tapped on the living room window brandishing a big bouquet? You cried out and jumped out of your chair to let me in, then told me off for arriving in the middle of Coronation Street. 

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you. Especially at this time of year. It seems I can’t go anywhere at the moment without a pink banner, a supermarket promotion, a junk e-mail or a flower display being slammed in my face serving no other purpose than to remind me that you’re not here anymore.

One thing I heard you say a lot was “Darling, you grew up in spite of me, not because of me.” You didn’t relish the early years, I know that. But this makes you human, and makes me feel OK about the days I might doubt myself. You may always have joked about your parenting skills, but you got it so right Mum. I think back on you as a role model and a friend, a Mother and a mentor.

I remember you holding my hair back when I was sick as a child, and your cool hand on my forehead. I always felt safe with you around – like a lion cub must feel knowing their lioness mother is just behind their shoulder. Loosing you feels like I have lost my safety net in life: what I good job you have taught me to balance well.

I have no card and no flowers, so I shall say it here and now, and hope they have a good broadband connection in heaven:

Happy Mother’s Day Mum. I Love You,

Your Minty x


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18 responses to “Happy Mother’s Day

  1. how sad, maybe your child will buy that card for u, hope you enjoy mothers day x

  2. Sending you a Hug…I feel the exact same way every Mothers Day…So wish I could buy a card for my Mum x

  3. It has been nine years since I lost my mom and this time of year still hurts. Your letter is lovely. Your mom sound awesome. Happy mother”s day. Xx

  4. Hi again. Just popped over to see who you are. What a lovely tribute. You’re right, it’s like losing a safety net. My mum was the Glue that kept us all together and now she’s gone it’s hard work staying close.
    best wishes to you for this Mother’s Day.
    Helen, from http://www.saveeverystep.com

  5. Minty that is such a lovely, lovely letter. I nodded along about the banners and cardboard. But you remind me we learnt something bigger from loss about the most important things in life.
    Big hugs for Sunday x
    Hope you get spoilt rotten 🙂

  6. What a beautiful post, it’s made me well up. I’m sorry that you’re having to cope without your mum, I hope you have a lovely Mother’s Day, in spite of your sadness. *hugs*.

  7. Beautifully written. I know its hard for you around this time but as always, I think you handle things so well, even if you don’t think so yourself. You know your mum would be so proud of you and your gorgeous girl (Gracy Barlow to Luka!). Big hugs, ring me if you need some company tomorrow XxX

  8. Reblogged this on waterbirthplease and commented:

    Last years post still says it all . . .

  9. Hope you had a lovely day, despite the pain….Gibbs is such a lucky little girl to have you as her mummy…xxxxx love u guys xxxxx

  10. I can’t imagine not having my mum, hope you have a nice Sunday, it doesn’t need a title, it’s just March 30th xxx

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